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You people and your slight differences disgust me!

Thursday, July 28, 2016

10:18PM - Lesson learned

Friends, close friends, will abandon you without reason. You may never learn why.

Money is more important than cancer. More important than you. More important than people affected by cancer that are close to you. Because you have the power to cause cancer at the the most inconvenient of times.

The only person you can count on is you. Fuck everyone else...I could give 2 shits that I have been drinking and taken my meds.

Friday, December 25, 2015

1:23PM - Maybe it's me....Merry fucking Christmas

Merry fucking Christmas! This is probably my last bastion of privacy. How am I spending my Christmas? Well, I spent Christmas Eve alone. Hoang came home from work early. I hadn't showered. He made mention of why don't I come and then his niece came to pick him up. I didn't see him again until about 1030. Earlier in the week I had told him I was going to my sisters around 3 and he said he would probably go to back to his family around 1 or 2. So we were woken up at 1030am by his nieces "uncle when are you coming over?!?" Seriously?!?? So we left to drop him off at around noon. He kept asking me what was wrong? I'm not going to say something and look like a dick on Christmas.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME THAT THE PEOPLE I DATE DONT WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH ME CHRISTMAS?!? I went through this with Colin. I could care less if I never got another gift from him again, if it meant spending a decent/ significant amount of time with the one I love. Is this too much to ask???
And then there is my best friend who I haven't talked to in nearly 2 years. I have no idea what the fuck I did to her where I can't even get a call or text back.
Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm just a terrible person. Or maybe life is just preparing me for the inevitable...that I'm going spend most of it alone.
I'm sure people who don't know me, may see this as feeling sorry for myself but I don't fucking care. No one should spend Christmas alone. And even though I am going to my sisters house in a bit, I would much rather be spending it with someone who loves me. But apparently this is too much to ask. And so I will go to my sisters and act like everything is fine and put on a happy face because that's what I'm expected to do and if I end up getting included in the movie tonight I will again put on a smile and grin and bare it because that's what I do.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

4:57PM - Meme

If you're on my friends list, I want to know 36 things about you [well, more than that, but 36 is a good place to start.]. I don't care if we never talk, or if we already know everything about each other. Short and sweet is fine... you're on my list, so I want to know you better!

Comment here and repost a blank one on your own journal. Let me know if you'd like your response screened. If you do not mention it, I will unscreen.

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) What was your dream growing up?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
05) Favorite vegetable?
06) What was the last book you read?
07) What zodiac sign are you?
08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
09) Worst Habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favorite sport?
12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me?
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22) What color eyes do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle or can soda?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
27) What's your favorite place to hang out at?
28) Do you believe in ghosts?
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30) Do you swear a lot?
31) Biggest pet peeve?
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
34) Favourite and least favourite food?
35) Do you believe in God?
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

Current mood: melancholy

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

7:13PM - Of Emails and issues

So I received this email from mother:
Theodore Roosevelt's ideas on Immigrants and being an AMERICAN in 1907.

"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."

Theodore Roosevelt 1907

Every American citizen needs to read this!


Normally I ignore these things but when she sends me these issue based emails I tend to get a bit touchy. The last one was about English as the national language. So I decided to take a break from my packing and what not to click respond all:

Everyone seems to forget that this was country was built on the backs of immigrants. Keep in mind that the genealogy you are working on contains people who emigrated here who I am sure did not speak perfect English. Perhaps we should look at the fact that many of the people who come here are often better educated that most Americans – don’t believe me look for The Tonight Show’s Jay Leno doing a bit where he asks naturally born Americans simple facts that every American should know and note that most of them can not answer them. I am sure if search google you find it. Here are some examples:

Grade School Knowledge: http://www.nbc.com/The_Tonight_Show_with_Jay_Leno/video/#mea=25591

Astronomy and Pluto: http://www.nbc.com/The_Tonight_Show_with_Jay_Leno/video/#mea=29730

Election Day: http://www.nbc.com/The_Tonight_Show_with_Jay_Leno/video/#mea=38769

Woman’s History: http://www.nbc.com/The_Tonight_Show_with_Jay_Leno/video/#mea=86339

Religion: http://www.nbc.com/The_Tonight_Show_with_Jay_Leno/video/#mea=83415

Some of these are pretty simple and we all laugh at this type of ignorance because it’s funny to watch people make fools of themselves. While I do not watch The Tonight Show regularly I have seen instances where Mr. Leno asks everyday Americans questions from the test that is given to people who want to become citizens of the United States, which can be found here: http://www.floydpinkerton.net/fun/immigration/imindex.html

It is amazing that we focus on these minute things: English as a national language, matters of religion and the government, and the price of gasoline to name a few. This message speaks of equality and against discrimination yet look at the country – we are still a country that discriminates based on color, sex, and gender – there is still a racial divide. We look at people of Muslim background with suspicion. We look at black people with suspicion – FYI Buffalo is one of the most segregated cities in the country: http://www.bizjournals.com/buffalo/stories/2002/12/16/story3.html

What does this say? We have stereotypes for everyone black, white, yellow, brown. People walk done the streets of Buffalo and if a homeless person comes up to them the immediate assumption is that the person must be a drug addict or alcoholic and either walk faster or try to ignore them to set out conscious’s at ease. I, myself, am guilty of this when I have gone to New York City. In fact one day a man came up to me and outright asked me “I am homeless. Could I have a dollar so that I could get a beer?” To say that I was taken aback by his honesty would be an understatement. American children do not get equal education. Speaking as someone whose parents had the foresight to send him to a public school, I consider myself lucky since the high school I would have gone to is quite possibly one of the worst in the region, if not the state. We complain about the state of youth behavior and how the current generation has no respect for their elders and yet look at their babysitters: the video gaming systems, the internet, and the television. Parents now do not focus on their children or their family – in some cases it’s because they need more than one job to make ends meet – in others it is because they believe that there are more important things, such as their social lives. And for this we sit and wonder how and why there is such fascination with the Paris Hiltons, Brittney Spears, and Anna Nicole Smiths of the world. I remember growing up in an environment where I had a strict regimen of choirs, homework and discipline. If I got caught disobeying, slacking or lying, there were consequences. And sure I caused my fair share of crap for my parents but I learned and it is that discipline that shaped who I am today.

We speak of moral values and family traditions with such authority and yet these are things we learned from our parents who learned it from their parents and if we keep back-tracking these are immigrant values. We speak of moral authority and values and yet we are all bark and no bite. The divorce rate in the country is anywhere between 40 and 60% (depending on your source), yet we declare marriage as being sanctified. We read articles in newspapers about human rights violations in China, the Middle East, and elsewhere yet we fail to notice the human rights violations here. People complain about the state of the government and corruption yet we have the ability to write those officials we elected, that is if we voted; of course most of us don’t since less than 50% of Americans participate in even the major elections.

I am sure that there are many things you do not agree with me about but that is the beauty of being an American citizen we can speak our minds, disagree on many things from politics, to morality, to religion, to many other things. These people come to this country in search of a better life – look at the immigrants and where a majority of them are coming from then look at the immigration laws that this country has, which in my opinion are outdated. This is not to say that I think that we should let illegal immigrants come into the country under the guise of fake IDs and Social Security numbers. But what does it say about a country that was built on the backs of immigrants when that same country builds a wall on its borders?

I could easily go on and on but instead I will end this with some other things that were said by Theodore Roosevelt:

“Speak softly and carry a big stick, you will go far”

But more importantly: “Avoid the base hypocrisy of condemning in one man what you pass over in silence when committed by another.”



Current mood: annoyed

Thursday, February 8, 2007

3:06PM - An explanation

I stayed home today from school - the pain was too much. To offer an explanation to the previous entry.

My sister and I had a fight - I was supposed to go over there between school and PT but the problem was I did not go to school because of the pain. As a result my sister called the next day and then when we finally spoke she blew up at me.

I just needed to vent. I know that I am going to have explain things for the rest of my life. I got a book yesterday at Borders called "Numb Toes and Other Woes: More On Peripheral Neuropathy" written by a guy that has a form of peripheral neuropathy and its in layman's terms. This is something that I have really not encountered before - every book I have looked at I have needed a dictionary next to me.

This is something I will be dealing with for the rest of my life. So far I have tried to not let it limit me too much - yeah today is one of those days where I have no control but I am not just lolling about - I have been doing homework.

Last night I was looking online at the first book in this series and amazon had an except so I read it and became pretty depressed because while this is something that the drs are trying to control there is no simple cure and it is something I will have for the rest of my life. To say that I am not amused in the least really doesn't cover it.

Right now I am just - I don't know

Tuesday, January 2, 2007

1:37PM - Ebb/Flow

The subject is a bit of a break from my normal faire but I like to do an annual New Year's Post and reflect and look forward. Look up Ebb/Flow if you don't know what it means.

2006 - Thing to take note of that will relate to this:
- 2006 was the year of the Dog
- 2006 was designated the year of deserts and desertification by the United Nations General Assembly
- 2006 was International Asperger's Syndrome Year
- 2006 was the Year of Mozart (celebrating his 250th birthday)
- January 1 to June 30, 2006 was predicted to have tied 1998 as the
warmest semi-year, for any year since the 1890s. Overall, forecasters and
scientists predict 2006 to be the third warmest year on record, behind
1998 and 2005.
- Items of relation recognized by UNESCO (United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization)
- 150th anniversary of the birth of Sigmund Freud
- The Bible Code (1997): According to purported codes hidden in the
Torah, the apocalypse was to have occurred in 2006.

Interesting eh?

2006 was a year unlike any other for me. Of course such things could be said about every year but for me this was a different year.

I had began 2006 with high hopes - I was to have my trial for my spinal cord stimulator and possibly a permanent one. My ex was to apply to grad school in Albany and I was to transfer. The goals I set for myself were all more personal goals involving the improvement of my character:

1: To compromise. This is something that I am constantly relearning.

2: Maintain focus on what is important.

3: If you don't like something change it.

4: Appreciate everyone or else they will be gone.

5: Stand up and speak out.

I think I managed to accomplish all of these to a degree. Compromise is something that can take a lifetime to fully be able to do and admittedly I am a selfish person at times. Focus is not an easy thing to keep - especially with the events of the first 8 months of 2006 - but I am going to put humility aside for the moment and say that my grades were fantastic. I have done more than my share of speaking out - sometimes sticking my foot in my mouth but a few weeks ago - at my sister's request and initiation - we sat down with my mother and made our points clear. Whether or not it got across remains to be seen. Appreciating people is something I learned more than ever last year. I think without (in no particular order for those would complain later on) the help of Annie, Andrew, Andrea (sister), Andrea (C), Lisa, my father and his wife, (Colin - to a limited degree) Jan, and Juan last year would have been even rougher. You learn to appreciate people when you are in a position where you need help with the simplest activities. Annie and Andrew (surprisingly) proved to be my points of stability. Andrew and I had not spoken for roughly 2 years because of his own issues - which I will not go into in the forum - but had appeared sometime in June not only having had dealt with his issues but coming out stronger than I have seen him previously. After the breakup, it was my friends and members of my family that helped me cope with everything so that I could move on with life and begin a new chapter. To them: my greatest love and appreciation.

At the same time there are those who I still feel close to but have lost contact with not through my own doing but for reasons unclear. To these individuals - I will not give up on them - when the time is right and/or when I am supposed to hear from them I will.

So then why the why list the items I did? I could sit and rattle off a myriad of lame ass euphemisms demonstrating how each of these things somehow relates to the events of the past year but those who know me and know everything that transpired last year - the good and the bad - know how those things fit together.

I posted this elsewhere last year but its a great way to reflect on the entire year so I will post this again with the appropos changes and then onto next year:

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before? I became a cyborg, had to confront the issue of a loved one having cancer, and went to San Francisco.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't make resolutions anymore - I just set goals.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Erin
4. Did anyone close to you die? As stated last year, I should be so lucky.
5. What countries did you visit? Canada, but Canada doesn't count because it's a dominion.
6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? Peace of mind, still want those brand new nerves for my arms, and perhaps a whoopin cane.
7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? February 6th - the beginning of the end; March 18th - the day Annie surprised me; April 14-15 - the middle of the end and the fact that my sister will probably not let me forget the later; July 5 - the day I became a cyborg; August 4 - The end of the end. September 27 - a new beginning with a new love. October 6 - Angela's wedding where I almost cried. October 13-18 - playing refugee camp. December 1-5 - Going to San Francisco December 24-25 - A Christmas with no drama (the first!).
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Maintaining my GPA and getting into History Honors
9. What was your biggest failure? Missing my niece's first birthday
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? The persistant medical issues with my nerves in my arms and shoulders.
11. What was the best thing you bought? I would have to say my education.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Annie and Andrew - Annie for flying down twice to be there because I needed her but I think equally important Andrew for conquering his demons and demonstrating that he is once again the friend I grew up with - the one I can trust, rely on and love (not in that gay way!)
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? The United States Government, the New York State Worker's Compensation System, my mother - to a degree.
14. Where did most of your money go? To my landlord, the automobile industry and it's ilk.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Going to San Francisco, meeting my current love, the announcement that Sweeney Todd is going to be made into a feature length film and my surgery.
16. What song will always remind you of 2006? Defying Gravity
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer? Everything is on par with last year
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Recreational reading and having time to appreciate the finer things in life
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Medicating myself
20. How will you be spending Christmas? Christmas is 357 days away, do we really want to get me worked up about this so soon?
21. How will you be spending New Years? It's hard to say. Hopefully sans meds and tanked as Jesus intended it to be.
22. Did you fall in love in 2006? Yes
23. How many one-night stands? None
24. What was your favorite TV program? Iron Chef, Lost, Alias, Smallville, Colbert Report, Family Guy, Boston Legal, Grey's Anatomy, Survivor, Prison Break, and Good Eats.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I don't hate...I socially destroy...it's much productive and rewarding. Although I don't have the time to participate so much in that anymore.
26. What was the best book you read? Child - the only tomes I have read this past year were school related.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? If I made a great musical discovery do you honestly think I would be here posting this and not on the sands of a Micronesian island sipping Mai Tais? HONESTLY! Though discovering Grey Gardens while up all night where I accidently caught the Drama Desk awards was a good one - insane Kennedy relations? You can't really go wrong there?
28. What did you want and get? A Spinal Cord Stimulator and A New Argentina
29. What did you want and not get? Alias the Complete Series in the pretty boxed set
30. What was your favorite film of this year? It's a tie between Pirates of the Caribbean II and Casino Royale - I am still bitter about Rent
31. What did you do on your birthday? Well - I went grocery shopping and christmas shopping and did laundry - Zhi bought fillet mignon, which Andrew prepared, ate dinner with them and enjoyed cake and pressies.
32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? A cattle prod.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? Amusing
34. What kept you sane? Clearly not the maternal side of my family. Calabrese's little pearls of wisdom, friends, and school.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? 37!!!!
36. What political issue stirred you the most? The whole marriage amendment crap - go and read the transcripts! Pack of jackasses running this country.
37. Who did you miss? Annie, Glenn, Angela, Ktb, Jessica (who is AWOL), Shaun, Amanda, and of course those who have not heard from in a pig's eye.
38. Who was the best new person you met? Aside from Zhi - Dr. Stevens and Michelle. Someday the conversations between Dr. Stevens and I will make a great comedic novel or even a television series.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006: Perseverance. What I learned from Andrea Calabrese: Being a raging bitch pays off in spades. Not all babies are evil some are adorable.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: As it says in the headline of my profile: "Sickness will surely take the mind, where minds can't usually go. Come on the amazing journey and learn all you should know."

So what should I expect for 2007? I have no idea - life has taught me thus far that you can only plan or set goals and hope and strive to achieve them. Whether or not you do achieve them lies with your own desire, motivation and will power to surpass the unexpected.

My goals are pretty fixed and in no particular order:

1. Continue my successes in school.
2. Strive for fiscal stability.
3. Research Graduate Schools and visit some of them.
4. Apply to Anthropology Honors; Apply to National Honors Societies for both History and Anthropology.
5. Determine research theses for both History Honors and Anthropology Honors.
6. Decide on which MA/Ph.D. program I want to pursue and apply.
7. Prepare for the GREs.
8. Really try to find some sort of resolution for my medical issues, especially the shoulder issues, the leg issue that comes and goes since surgery, and get off some of my medications.
9. Get my dental work finished.
10. Make time for myself to have fun!

My goals for January: Get my apartment in order before the semester.

These don't seem like much but believe me they are.

I still need to focus on learning how to take my time on doing ordinary things around the apartment because it only results in my being in even more pain. I also need to focus on improving my outlook on myself - I know humility is a great thing but when it comes to various facets of my life I tend to short-sell myself.

And so I will end this in the same way I began this:

2007 - The Year of the Pig
- International Polar Year
- International Heliophysical Year
- The year of Pisces
- ISBNs will be 13 digits instead of 10 thanks to all the crap books out there (::coughs:: James Joyce::)
- March 3-4 - Total Lunar Eclipse
- March 11 - Day Light Savings Time will begin ahead of schedule making millions of Americans late for work and resulting in my being cranky for 2 days.
- June 30 - will have a blue moon - something odd/rare will happen.
- July 1 - Hong Kong which was returned to the Chinese Government from the British Government in 1997, will be celebrating its 10th anniversary of its Special Administrative Region Establishment.
- July 7 - 7 New Wonders of the world to be unveiled.
- September 11 - Partial Solar Eclipse
- November 4 - Daylight Savings Time Ends - I will be well rested November 5

TBA - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows comes out thus possibly devistating millions of children and thousands of parents.

Happy New Year Everyone! Hopefully 2007 will be a better year for everyone!

Current mood: hopeful

Friday, December 22, 2006

1:54AM - Book VII

Announced today: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows

Wednesday, November 8, 2006

2:26PM - The Midterms

Last night were the midterms. I really wasn't surprised by the NY elections. Everyone knew that Clinton would be re-elected and that Spitzer was going to be governor. It was money in the bank.

I have to say that this year I was probably more informed about the candidates (all of them) than in previous years. That's not to say I wasn't paying attention in previous elections but you know that when you go to the polls you see all these other names and other parties that you had never heard of...The League of Women Voters actually takes the time to gather information about all these candidates so I went to their website, www.lwv.org, and read up. I feel no shame in how I cast my votes but to the third parties out there - please get some viable candidates...PLEASE! The ones that you currently have are whack jobs. Oh and by the way...while I am at it...thank you NYS for reinvigorating the Cuomo dynasty! Mario, the former governor, really did a number on the state getting it into a huge amount of debt resulting in the Pataki administration - which wasn't so terrible but wasn't so great either. New York should perhaps consider changing its monicker from 'The Empire State' to the 'The Empire of Mediocrity.' So now Andrew Cuomo is Attorney General. Grand...just grand. If he is elected Governor - well we will wait and see.

Meanwhile I look at the rest of the country. The Democrats got control of the House - still waiting on the Senate. I am not sure how I feel about any of this. I am all for balance of power. Clearly we have not had that over the past 6 years. True the government was set up with the 3 branches and they are supposed to act as checks and balances but that has been rare. Back to the Dems...I was up watching the results come in - yes I am that kind of person - and many of the commentors - I watched a myriad of channels (Except Fox News, which is banned in this house...it just makes me feel dirty) and they said similar things - that yes the Dems were winning but - and this was I found slightly disturbing - they were winning with conservative democrats, which meant that the Republicans were losing Liberals. If you had known me about 10 years ago I would say that a Moderate is merely someone who can not make up their mind. I have since changed that sentiment, recognizing that I am a moderate because of my stance on various issues. I am not sure whether this is good news or not...

Let me explain - I can almost guarantee - using for example the Marriage Protection Amendment - that the Liberal Republicans were the ones who voted against it - and if I am wrong it would be a safe bet that many of them voted against it.

Let me take a moment to celebrate the fact that Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA) is out! That man worked many of my nerves. Bravo PA! I may revoke your square state status yet - but don't count your chickens just yet.

Interestingly, I picked up this week's Newsweek, which focused on the state of the evangelicals in the country - a very interesting article thus far. The quote I liked best so far was: "In his Encyclopedia of Evangilism, Randall Balmer defines evangelicals, broadly, as Protestants who emphasize conversion and are characterized by 'a suspicion of wealth, worldliness and ecclesiastical pretention.'" HA!

Back to politics - they, the talking heads, are speculating that Nancy Pelosi is probably going to become the next Speaker of the House - which would make her third in the line of succession - this means should the President and Vice-President run afowl of misfortune - she becomes the President. Something about her doesn't sit right with me.

So where does this country stand. Well - it's really to early to say. I think we will know by the end of the 1st 100 days - which would be around March 31st.

Also, several states introduced amendments to their constitutions that would ban gay marriage - so here is a list of states that are on my ever expanding "Dead to Me" list:
Alabama (the gay rights issue just sweetens the fact that I was right in making you dead to me for being a square state)
New Hampshire (Thank you for proving my point and rationaling my dislike of you)
North Dakota
Oklahoma (Thank you for proving my ban on the musical of the same name accurate - Oklahoma - you are not OK!)
South Carolina
South Dakota
Texas (For the Bush Dynasty and introducing the Marriage Amendment)
Utah (I never really cared for you or your Mormons!)
Virginia (Change your slogan to "Virginia is for heterosexual lovers and not fags" POST HASTE!"

Also dead to me:
Sarah Brightman
Christopher Columbus (The non-historical one)

And now to the states that are
On Notice
Arizona (You are close to being transferred to the list above)
California (same as AZ missy)
Florida (You people screwed up an election because he do not know how to vote properly)

Also Square States not listed on the Dead to Me list (you know what you did), ABC
The History Channel
Broadway (for Crimes Against Humanity)
Lockwood Cybrary
Stephen King
Andrew Lloyd Webber

Well let's wait and see what happens to the country - if we do begin to heal from the rift of the current administration.

Current mood: tired

Sunday, October 15, 2006

2:29PM - An explanation is in order

Some of you wonder why I love musical theatre - particularly Patti LuPone. Wonder no longer - since some of you are snowed in allow me to share her latest rant - a valid vocal vociferation of a cat gone home to Jesus and the Bank of America...you wonder why I love this woman despite the carryings on of some of you that she some sort of nouveaux Ethel Merman (shame on you!), well here is the reason:
Dolls, Dolls, Dolls,

I know it's been a long time since I've rambled. But "Sweeney" closed and I went on a little vacation, I got a little sick, and Katrin wasn't around to type for me. KatPat's back together again and here's our Ramblings.

So first...I'm going to rail against the Bank of America. Take your money and run... stick it in a mattress. It's better than trusting those %#@!%$ people at that bank. This is what happened to me. I hadn't used my ATM card in a while because I didn't need to, I didn't have to. Somewhere along the line without my knowledge, without my appproval, without consulting me, without contacting me in any way, they invalidated my PIN that had been my PIN for 15 years! I found this out through a humiliating experience at the IGA trying to buy a bag of spinach. My card was rejected. I blamed the incompetence of the IGA swipe machine and just moved on with my life. Lo and Behold! It was I who was Persona Non Grata. It was my PIN, my card, that was errant. I called the customer service of BofA and got the runaround twice. A lot of apologies and no restitution. They couldn't explain what had happened, and they weren't about to fix it. They gave me a lot of excuses, but, as I said to them, I want my old PIN because it is in honor of my dead cat. And, I want an explanation as to why I wasn't informed that they had invalidated my card. "No, no, no, can do, I can't go for that, no, no, no can do," was their response. My response to them was, "Bite me," and I closed my accounts. I swear to God, what is this country coming to? And who are these impervious assholes who call themselves Customer Service Representatives? Enough said.

So, "Sweeney" closed and what a very emotional closing night it was. I will never forget looking out at the audience in the final ballad seeing young women weeping. I wept with them. The year of "Sweeney" was the theatrical experience of my life.

I'm on to Jake Heggie's opera, "To Hell and Back." It's very hard, but very beautiful music. I've crossed over to the opera world thanks to some very intrepid souls who think I can sing the stuff. I hope I don't let them down.

I saw something very cool on my little vacation. I was on a boat and all of a sudden a school of mullet started jumping out of the water. And then, a tarpon came flying out of the water chasing them. He jumped in and out of the water twice. It was a National Geographic moment and I am so glad there is some of that left to see and enjoy in this world.

I gotta let Katrin go... it's late. KatPat needs food. Next time I'll talk more about my favorite "Sweeney" actors.


Current mood: vastly

Thursday, September 21, 2006

8:53PM - Considerations and such

Well - I am taking a moment from school work to actually post something other than crap. I had my first date since the break up yesterday. It was atypical to others. We went to dinner and then to spot and then went for a walk around the lake at Delaware Park. Talking and just getting to know each other. I find him to be very fascinating and while we differ in a variety of ways its the type of difference where they are not going to become an issue. Whatever is going to happen will happen - if nothing else I would value his friendship.

In other news - my medical situation has been iffy. PT is rough. I have woken up daily with pain my shoulders - I think a new mattress may be in order but Sunday and Monday it was at its worst. I had gone shopping for a suit on Saturday nothing heavy duty. I woke up Sunday and I was practically crying. The stimulator does not impact my shoulders and I suspect that this pain has something to do with the trial because it is since the trial that I have been having this pain. As for the stimulator - well its too soon to tell.

What I am most pissed about is missing the Dalai Lama. I had been still dealing with my pain issues in the shoulders. As I was walking to the stadium I ran into Sue - a class mate from most of my Anthro classes this semester and two semesters back. I should have given her the ticket. I made it until 2pm. I could not sit in the bleachers and ended up leaving and by the time I got to my car I was crying - not from missing the experience but because of the pain. To the individual(s) who have recused their beliefs to my giving up - kiss my ass. Really kiss my ass.

I have been starting to think about Grad School more and more. I am going to broach the topic with teachers shortly. One of the authors that I have read - a historian on China - teaches at Yale and I would love to learn from him - Jonathan Spence. I also looked at the Anthro end of things and its equally interesting. Dr. Tedlock is pushing San Francisco because of the interest in sexuality but I do not want to study just that. I am still not sure which I want to go into because I have seen the benefits and detriments of both.

I did have an idea for an ethnographic study and in actuality it would almost be considered ethnological if carried out right but I am not sure yet and I do not want to mention it until I talk to the party(ies) that I would like to involve. Cross-culturaly it would be fascinating - especially considering background(s). I will see.

Right now I am in school isolation mode and have taken to turning the machine down so it is not a distraction so if you read this and I do not get back to you - be patient - its a semester that requires a lot of work. And busy work is good. BTW I got the voice recorder and am dying to try it out.

Current mood: busy

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

6:20PM - Happy Banned Books Week

So I got an email from Alibris about it being banned books week. Here is the list from the last decade. I marked off the books I have read with some commentary. (Christians hate Lowry and Blude btw) You can go to the site and check out the list as well as view a list of the institution that either challenged or banned - what does this say about our culture or about as Americans?

The 100 Most Frequently Challenged Books of 1990–20001

1. Scary Stories (Series) by Alvin Schwartz - Absolutely nothing scary ever happens. We live in Utopia.

2. Daddy’s Roommate by Michael Willhoite - A sequel should be published - Mommy and the Poolboy

3. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou - Read it

4. The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier - Read it ages ago

5. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain - Read it - I can understand why this book made the list - particularly because of the derogatory and dehumanizing language - however - if taught properly giving a background of the time as well as a progression as to how things have changed, I believe that this book can be an effective tool.

6. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck - Read it and loved it. I think that this made the list because of the rape, murder and repetitive use of the word retard. I think that parents and educators can use this book with out issue if presented and prefaced properly.

7. Harry Potter (Series) by J.K. Rowling - I am waiting for the individual with a literary degree to publish a book about the Harry Potter series that carefully analyzes the book and disproves the Christian bullshit and protests. Hell, I think that with the right amount of ingenuity the same conclusions could be drawn about this series as were drawn with The Chronicles of Narnia and The Lord of the Rings series.

8. Forever by Judy Blume - Read it - Meh
9. Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson - Read it - don't remember enough to remark

10. Alice (Series) by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

11. Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman - Never read it - but heaven forbid we teach our children tolerance or anything that is not in the Bible.

12. My Brother Sam is Dead by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier

13. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger - I read it and loved it. The funny thing about this book is that people either love it or hate it. There is no middle ground. I suspect this is in the list because of Holden's mental state coupled with the "homosexual overtones" Give me a damn break.

14. The Giver by Lois Lowry
15. It’s Perfectly Normal by Robie Harris

16. Goosebumps (Series) by R.L. Stine - ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

17. A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Newton Peck

18. The Color Purple by Alice Walker - I suspect that this is on here for similar reasons as Huck Finn - while I have never personally read the book, everyone that I know who has absolutely loved it.

19. Sex by Madonna - Followed by Menopause by Madonna

20. Earth’s Children (Series) by Jean M. Auel - ok, Since I despise Clan of the Cave Bear I have personal predjudice against the author for publishing crap.

21. The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson

22. A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle - Read it - Tesseracts are as dangerous as physics. The book was hard for me to get through when I read it - age 8 - but it made me think - and lord knows we can not have that in this country.

23. Go Ask Alice by Anonymous

24. Fallen Angels by Walter Dean Myers

25. In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak

26. The Stupids (Series) by Harry Allard

27. The Witches by Roald Dahl - This book is brilliant - I read and saw the movie and absolutely adored both.

28. The New Joy of Gay Sex by Charles Silverstein - I have the updated version - very handy - and the new version has more attractive sketches LOL

29. Anastasia Krupnik (Series) by Lois Lowry

30. The Goats by Brock Cole

31. Kaffir Boy by Mark Mathabane

32. Blubber by Judy Blume - Give me a break

33. Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan - Because all students feel warmth towards their teachers. They made a movie recently but had to dumb it down and retitle it.

34. Halloween ABC by Eve Merriam

35. We All Fall Down by Robert Cormier - I wish more people would fall down.

36. Final Exit by Derek Humphry

37. The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood

38. Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George

39. The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison

40. What’s Happening to my Body? Book for Girls: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Daughters by
Lynda Madaras - Never read it - BUT HONESTLY

41. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee - Have not read it or saw the movie but I know the premise of the book - see my remarks on The Color Purple and Huck Finn

42. Beloved by Toni Morrison

43. The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton - OH COME ON

44. The Pigman by Paul Zindel - See above

45. Bumps in the Night by Harry Allard

46. Deenie by Judy Blume

47. Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes - Because we are immortal and will never need to deal with death as children.

48. Annie on my Mind by Nancy Garden - DO YOU SEE THAT MLYF - YOU ARE BANNED! LOL

49. The Boy Who Lost His Face by Louis Sachar - >.>

50. Cross Your Fingers, Spit in Your Hat by Alvin Schwartz


52. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley - Wonderful book

53. Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by A.N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice) - Ok I read these - Anne Rice I love you but my god!!!

54. Asking About Sex and Growing Up by Joanna Cole

55. Cujo by Stephen King - Give me a break - This book teaches people with no sense that the dog did not get into the whipped cream.

56. James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl - Since this is not about James' actual peach I really don't see the problem. Wonderful book.

57. The Anarchist Cookbook by William Powell - Yeah this is the Feds doing - you buy this and you are put on a watchlist

58. Boys and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy - ALL YOUR BASE BELONG TO US

59. Ordinary People by Judith Guest - Heaven forbid we teach children about the dangers of suicide or how to recognize the signs.

60. American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis - Great book - the movie did it no justice - prepare to spend a lot of time trying to get through this though because the writer has a different style of writing.

61. What’s Happening to my Body? Book for Boys: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Sons by
Lynda Madaras - Absolutely nothing - you are changing because you have sinned against god and as punishment he is making you grow up.

62. Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret by Judy Blume - God does not like Judy Blume - Again - children should never, ever be taught about puberty.

63. Crazy Lady by Jane Conly - Mama?

64. Athletic Sho rts by Chris Crutcher

65. Fade by Robert Cormier

66. Guess What? by Mem Fox

67. The House of Spirits by Isabel Allende

68. The Face on the Milk Carton by Caroline Cooney

69. Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut - HOW CAN YOU HATE THIS BOOK?! COME ON NOW!

70. Lord of the Flies by William Golding - This book is wonderful - it teaches survival skills and how to operate in a tribal setting

71. Native Son by Richard Wright - Another terrific book

72. Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women’s Fantasies by Nancy Friday

73. Curses, Hexes and Spells by Daniel Cohen

74. Jack by A.M. Homes

75. Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo A. Anaya

76. Where Did I Come From? by Peter Mayle

77. Carrie by Stephen King - I can see why this is on here - it shows what happens to fundamentalists when they are abusive. ::sigh::

78. Tiger Eyes by Judy Blume

79. On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer

80. Arizona Kid by Ron Koertge

81. Family Secrets by Norma Klein

82. Mommy Laid An Egg by Babette Cole - And the poolboy

83. The Dead Zone by Stephen King - ::sigh::

84. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain - Terrific book - it teaches valuable life skills

85. Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison

86. Always Running by Luis Rodriguez

87. Private Parts by Howard Stern - well


89. Summer of My German Soldier by Bette Greene

90. Little Black Sambo by Helen Bannerman - It's a Little Golden Book - self explanatory

91. Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett

92. Running Loose by Chris Crutcher

93. Sex Education by Jenny Davis - Man does not have sex - we use osmosis.

94. The Drowning of Stephen Jones by Bette Greene

95. Girls and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy - Girls don't have sex - they go to the nunnery

96. How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell - Teaches the dangers of gambling

97. View from the Cherry Tree by Willo Davis Roberts

98. The Headless Cupid by Zilpha Keatley Snyder

99. The Terrorist by Caroline Cooney

100. Jump Ship to Freedom by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier

Ok now let's consider this: and this is just going off the books I own. Going by the logic of some of these titles - Why isn't Michael Crichton listed - dangers of genetic engineering; E.L. Doctorow, Any of the Dark Tower series that was published in this timeperiod - JAMES PATTERSON, and since we are in the 90s - Memnoch the Devil which has Lestat biting Jesus, A Cry to Heaven, The Satanic Verses by Rushdie

If anyone can find a complete listing of all such books I would love to see it! Basically what I have learned from this list is that if it teaches children anything, presents a subversive lifestyle, or deals with violence in anyway or sex - its crap - especially if its a best seller. I guarantee in 10 years we will see The DaVinci Code, Eragon, The Devil's Apocrypha, and shitload of others. Sorry folks but this really pisses me off. If you aren't mad - maybe you should reread the The Constitution and Declaration of Independence and focus in on the Bill of Rights. If you aren't mad - you aren't paying attention.

1Out of 6,364 challenges reported to or recorded by the Office for Intellectual Freedom, as compiled by
the Office for Intellectual Freedom, American Library Association. The ALA Office for Intellectual
Freedom does not claim comprehensiveness in recording challenges. Research suggests that for each
challenge reported there are as many as four or five which go unreported.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

5:57PM - The Void

Well he came to get the remainder of his belongs.

I am surprised that things went as they did.

But for now - it's a lot to deal with.

Four and a half year.

And there is a void.

Right now for me to express everything is next to impossible - sadness, emptiness, anger, resentment, heartbreak - the list of adjectives goes on.

Four and a half years.

I wish there were some statistic or study that has been done that was not the result of some religious group's sentiment towards homosexuality but I have not found anything neutral.

Right now I want the hurt to stop.

If there were signs I wish I could have recognized them. Yes these were all things we had talked about previously - but YOU JUST DO NOT GIVE UP. That's what I feel. I was given up upon. Yes there were things about him that bugged me - holding things in until they bubbled over for one - other things as well - but you do not give up. You address the issue - if it does not take - you continue the communication - but you do not act like you are going to get over it or that it is status quo and you can learn to tolerate - you communicate - and if you can not do that, you need to fix it - and if you can not fix it that you ask for help whether from the person you supposedly love or friends or from a counselor - you don't stubbornly let pride prevent you from that - and if you think that it says something about your character because you had to ask for help - you are quite mistaken - if anything it demonstrates a lack there of - a lack of a willingness to grow and to change and nurture the relationship.

I am by no means a perfect man in any sense of the word - but goddamn it I tried. I tried my damnedest to overcome things - things that were not that bad. I was able to emerge quite a bit the better because I was able to find an outlet not just in friends but in others. And until that realization occurs - happiness - meaning happiness through the love of another is something that may beyond your reach.

I was willing to go to the moon and back. I accept responsibility for my flaws and I am still growing and changing as a person - I am far from perfect but when someone offers to go the distance you don't give up because the means of taking you there is taking to long to complete or because a part is missing.

And while I am no where near ready for anything new - I need to go forward and finish what I started.

And I can't help but feel pity and sorrow along with the void and the other emotions - because you gave up - and maybe I am misinterpretting but given what I was given it's the only conclusion I can come too. And if I am wrong so be it, but if the reasons demonstrate the expectations despite the honesty and openness, than I can only see short-term satisfaction and long term disappointment. As I said - I could very well be wrong but I don't think so.

The rest is silence.

Current mood: empty

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

8:48PM - IMDB and Abuse

Andrew was over today and we discussed musicals briefly...as fags do...and I imdbed Sunset Blvd, which has been pushed back 2008 so we all best hope I have no more depressive episodes. Well some jackass pointed out that maybe Madonna should be cast.

They were promptly reported for abuse: as I said to Andrew "You sully Sunset Boulevard with that droopy titted trash...that's what that person gets"

Current mood: apathetic

Monday, August 14, 2006

2:51PM - There IS a God

Madonna Abandons Movie Career
Madonna has begrudgingly turned her back on her movie career, because she is convinced the media is hell bent on ensuring her film projects are flops. The singer was lauded for her performance in the big screen adaptation of the musical Evita, but she has suffered a string of flops, most notably Body Of Evidence and Swept Away, her last movie role directed by husband Guy Ritchie, which failed to secure a cinema release. And the 47-year-old, who is currently in the midst of her Confessions world tour, will concentrate solely on her music career from now on. She says, "I hate to admit it, but I've decided to give that up. How can any film survive if everyone says it's going to be a flop from the very day the project is even conceived? It's already dead in the water."

Saturday, July 29, 2006

12:50PM - For those who did not get the email

This is wrong on so many levels and yet hysterical...best to be played with some sound


Current mood: vastly

2:24AM - Purple Pepper Update

I emailed Wegmans re: the purple pepper...here is the response:


Thank you for your inquiry. We stopped carrying the purple bell peppers several years ago due to lack of movement.

Consumer Response Specialist

Then why the fuck mention it on your website? Cockteases!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

6:40PM - A Dream Shattered

Unfortunately, according to wikipedia, I will not be able to see the Golden Girls house...Disney bulldozed it to make way for another attraction...I spit on Michael Eisner.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

11:57PM - Purple Peppers - No Longer a Myth Thanks to Science

Since it is summer and summer is when peppers are in season I have once again begun my quest for the elusive PURPLE PEPPER. It eludes me...but for how long?


LiveJournal Username
Favorite ice cream
Favorite season
Thinks you're ass is tight:spinspinsugar42
Wants to lick hot chocolate off you're body:spdrmnky9
Wonders how good you are in bed:withfangs
Wishes you would screw him/her on the spot:spdrmnky9
Is romatically in love with you:buffalosoulja
Wishes you were gay so he/she could love you better:1screaminglamb
Hopes you'll take him/her to great heights (wink wink nudge nudge):incostantemoto
Day dreams about having sex with you 24/7:spinspinsugar42
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Current mood: amused

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

4:53PM - I was bored

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

I miss somebody right now. × I don't watch much TV these days. I own lots of books.  (I strive to be my own library)
× I wear glasses or contact lenses.  (I have bifocals but I don't wear them) I love to play video games.  (But I can't {=*() I've tried marijuana.
I've watched porn movies. × I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. × I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
it goes on...Collapse )

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