BratBoy197 (bratboy197) wrote,

Maybe it's me....Merry fucking Christmas

Merry fucking Christmas! This is probably my last bastion of privacy. How am I spending my Christmas? Well, I spent Christmas Eve alone. Hoang came home from work early. I hadn't showered. He made mention of why don't I come and then his niece came to pick him up. I didn't see him again until about 1030. Earlier in the week I had told him I was going to my sisters around 3 and he said he would probably go to back to his family around 1 or 2. So we were woken up at 1030am by his nieces "uncle when are you coming over?!?" Seriously?!?? So we left to drop him off at around noon. He kept asking me what was wrong? I'm not going to say something and look like a dick on Christmas.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME THAT THE PEOPLE I DATE DONT WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH ME CHRISTMAS?!? I went through this with Colin. I could care less if I never got another gift from him again, if it meant spending a decent/ significant amount of time with the one I love. Is this too much to ask???
And then there is my best friend who I haven't talked to in nearly 2 years. I have no idea what the fuck I did to her where I can't even get a call or text back.
Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm just a terrible person. Or maybe life is just preparing me for the inevitable...that I'm going spend most of it alone.
I'm sure people who don't know me, may see this as feeling sorry for myself but I don't fucking care. No one should spend Christmas alone. And even though I am going to my sisters house in a bit, I would much rather be spending it with someone who loves me. But apparently this is too much to ask. And so I will go to my sisters and act like everything is fine and put on a happy face because that's what I'm expected to do and if I end up getting included in the movie tonight I will again put on a smile and grin and bare it because that's what I do.
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